Fostering Independence

Aaron and Claire are definitely growing up. We've been finding ways to foster independence in them, to help them learn responsibility and to help us out since we've got three kids now. Really we're focusing on Aaron...but since Claire wants to do everything her big brother does, she is learning to do things for herself, too.

Both of them have chores they do every day to earn stickers on a chart, and they are paid a small allowance at the end of the week if they get enough stickers (right now it's 21 for Aaron and 14 for Claire). We're starting to teach them to put 10% in a give bank, 10% in a save bank, and the other 80% in a spend bank. (I made the banks out of Crystal Light containers...they turned out cute!) Aaron can hardly wait to get up to $5 in his spend bank so he can buy a new Lego set at Target.

Aaron does chores like taking out the trash in the two small trash cans (his favorite job!), putting away the silverware out of the dishwasher, stripping the sheets off his bed when I need to wash them, setting the table and clearing his place afterwards. Claire helps with the silverware and setting the table. She's actually better at clearing her place than Aaron is, but I think it's because she doesn't make as big of a mess when she eats! They also both put away their own laundry, and I let them help me put away the groceries. They fight over who gets to stack up the yogurts in the fridge!! I know they won't always be so eager to help...so I'm living it up now.

We've also been teaching Aaron how to bathe himself. We supervise while he washes his own hair and body. Claire has also learned how to wash her own body (but I'm not letting her wash her own hair yet--she has too much of it and I want to make sure it gets good and clean). This makes it possible for me to bathe Hannah at the same time, in her little baby tub.

They also both know how to put in their own videos, and Aaron knows how to change the input on the TV and navigate the menus to get to the right episode. He can also get on the computer and get to the game he wants to play (we have them bookmarked for him) all by himself. It blows my mind what kids these days know how to do with technology!!!

I'm amazed to see these little ways the kids are growing up. That's what parenting all about I guess--training them to eventually live on their own one day, as a productive member of society. Chris and I have been discussing lately that we also want to make sure we do some intentional things in our parenting to make sure the kids are glorifying God in their skills, character, and actions. I'm praying we can be the example we need to be to raise Godly children! I fall short every day, so I am so thankful for God's grace!

Two very different children

I have been contemplating lately how I can have two children who love each other so much, are so much alike, yet are so different in so many ways. It has me wondering what kind of loop this third child is going to throw me!

Here are some examples:

Aaron: honey mustard
Claire: ketchup

Aaron: apple juice
Claire: orange juice

Aaron: garbage trucks
Claire: baby dolls
(I know this one is all gender!!)

Aaron: blue
Claire: pink
(Claire tells us that the baby's favorite color will be pink, with her.)

At the playground--
Aaron: playing in the dirt or climbing
Claire: swings or slides

Aaron: pacifier/blankie (back in his baby days...quit when he was 2, with help from us)
Claire: thumb sucker, still going strong at 2 1/2 with no signs of stopping

Aaron: incredibly hard to potty train
Claire: incredibly easy to potty train

Aaron: wants to play cards
Claire: wants to play puzzles

Aaron: great at math, horrible at coloring
Claire: loves to color, and hasn't shown any unusual aptitude for math.

Aaron: ice cream in a cup
Claire: ice cream in a cone

Aaron: makes a huge mess when he eats
Claire: makes only a minimal mess

Aaron: always wants to hold my hand
Claire: says she can walk "by myself"

I could go on and on. They have many ways they are alike too, but I notice more of these little differences every day. I know they are individuals...it's just so funny to see it come out in them so strongly. I am anxious to know what our newest little addition will be like. What will she have in common with her older siblings, and what will be totally different than either one? Motherhood is definitely a new journey with each child!

Help with chore charts

I need your help!

I'm looking for ways to get Aaron more involved in helping around the house, not for the help (heaven knows it takes longer to do something with a 4 year old!), but to teach him responsiblity. I'd also like to start an allowance system to teach him about money and saving.

I'm having trouble figuring out how to implement it.

I read on The Pioneer Woman blog about a system she uses called "Choreorganizers." It seems like a neat concept and I'm trying to figure out how to implement it without purchasing the product! Basically it has a chore chart with each day having new chore cards you have to complete to earn a Mommy Buck, which you can redeem (or save) at the end of the week at the Chore Store (which I would stock with a variety of items from candy to larger toys he would have to save for).

Here's what I can't figure out.

Are the chores optional? Like if Aaron just decides his chores are too hard one day, he just doesn't want to earn a Mommy buck so he doesn't do anything? How do I handle that? I can totally hear him saying, "Nah, I just don't want a Mommy buck today." Then would come the screaming from me (I'm not proud!), "You better do your chores or ELSE!" And what does that accomplish? I don't want to spend the day negotiating with him.

Oh, and I think the chores will be:
*Help set the table.
*Put away laundry.
*Clean up toys (this one is huge!)
*Help put away groceries.

I'm trying to think of more, to give him more opportunities to take on responsibility. I thought of "make your bed" and "dust" but these are things I rarely do (again, not proud!) so I can't see myself enforcing those.

I also need to figure out ways to get Claire involved, because she doesn't realize she's only two, and she thinks she has to do EVERYTHING her brother does. Except when it involves work, usually. We have trouble getting her to help clean up. Imagine that.

So do you think the Choreorganizer system is a good one? Do you have a better idea? If you're a mom out there, please let me know what has worked for you!

Lessons in Discipline

The last several days have been very trying with Aaron. After talking to friends we think it's an age thing--he has been into EVERYTHING. It seems like every time I turn around he is destroying something or getting into something that he knows is off-limits. Monday it was bubble stuff all over the backyard, playing with new light bulbs, raiding the M&M's. Tuesday when his babysitter was cleaning up lunch he got 1/2 a bottle of hand soap all over himself, Claire, and the bathroom. I could go on and on.

I knew these were things I could not just shrug off, saying "He's just being a mischevious kid." He knew good and well those things were wrong, but for some reason he just kept testing those limits. He got spankings when appropriate, but obviously something wasn't getting through. I was getting angrier and angrier with him, raising my voice more than I care to admit.

Finally Tuesday afternoon after some crying on my part (and his), and a long talk with a friend, I decided it was time to introduce Aaron to GROUNDING. For the rest of that day and the whole next day, he could watch NO videos or TV. If Claire was watching something, he would have to stay in his room. He wailed and sobbed Tuesday afternoon while she watched Caillou and he had to stay in his room. I told him he could watch videos again on Thursday, so Wednesday morning he woke up and asked me "What day is it, Mommy?" When I told him "Wednesday," he said to himself, "Today is the day I can't watch TV or videos." So he definitely got it! And the day went so much smoother. We did stay busy to avoid a lot of whining about watching TV (mostly from Claire!), but I think he understood the punishment.

I re-read parts of James Dobson's book Dare to Discipline and it was a great refresher. The big lesson for me was that you can't control a child with anger! You've got to hit them where it hurts--sometimes with an actual spanking, and sometimes with a privelege. I'm glad to know I've got another arrow in my motherhood quiver--grounding! Hopefully we won't have to use it much.

I guess He had something to say!

Last night Chris and I stayed up late, chatting, until around 11:00. That's about an hour past our bedtime, so I just knew I was going to have a hard time waking up this morning...and I REALLY wanted to get an early start to get some shopping out of the way before my fun outing with the kids (watch the blog for more info on our fun trip today!).

Well, wouldn't you know I woke up at 4:45...and COULD NOT get back to sleep? I tossed for over 45 minutes before I finally decided maybe God woke me up extra early so we could have a nice, long, uninterrupted chat.

I opened my April edition of Journey magazine to see what today's devotional was about...hmmm...parenting! Now surely that applies to my life. Hmmm...it's about DISCIPLINE! Oh wow, now there's some information I need! I think God is talking to me here!

I read some of the verses in Proverbs about discipline, and highlighted them in my Bible. Real gems, such as:

Prov. 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Prov. 23:13-14 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death."

Prov. 29:15 "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." (I really like this one! Boy, have I been embarassed at times by a misbehaving child!)

I didn't feel really moved by all the verses about the rod though. We do use a wooden spoon for discipline when needed, but I really try to be careful to only use it for serious offenses. So, God, what is it you have to tell me?

Then I saw it--the real beauty of what God had to tell me lay in Hebrews 1:3, a verse I found by accident (or not??)...it wasn't even listed in the devotional.

Hebrews 1:3 "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."

I added the bold text to emphasize that God sustains us by his WORD! A couple of years ago God brought Deuteronomy 6:4-9 to my attention, and Chris and I decided to make it our family verse. It talks about making God's Word central to your daily life--talk about it when you get up in the morning, as you walk along the road, and when you are going to sleep at night. (I even ventured to write the entire verse in beautiful calligraphy to frame in our living room, but I haven't quite finished that project.)

It occurred to me that I have not been making the Word central to our lives, and that is what is going to sustain me in parenting (particularly discipline!), and in life in general.

I referred back to an excellent book Chris and I have, called Teach Them Diligently: How To Use The Scriptures In Child Training. It's got a great reference chart showing verse you can teach your child and use for certain scenarios. Aaron, at almost 4 years old, has a few verses memorized already, but we haven't been actively working to teach him more. So I picked a verse about sharing to start teaching him.

Hebrews 13:16 (NIrV) "Don't forget to do good. Don't forget to share with others. God is pleased with those kinds of offerings."

We talked about it today at nap time and he really liked the verse! It's practical to him and he felt special reading something out of his grown-up Bible.

My prayer today is that God will give me grace when I stumble and will show me creative ways to make His Word central to our lives!

Stop the yelling!

Today was a very challenging day at our house. We try to lay low on Sunday afternoons, with everyone having quiet time, and even naps. I guess Aaron was feeling especially cooped up because he was showing out all afternoon. I lost track of how many times he got a spoon spanking or got sent to his room. The main problem was the yelling...at Mommy and at Claire. (Funny...I don't recall him yelling at Daddy!) "NO, MOMMY! I DON'T LIKE THAT!" or "NO, CLAIRE, GIVE IT BACK!" or "I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!" I could go on and on.

The disrespect really gets under my skin. It's better when Chris is here and can discipline Aaron. "You don't talk to your mother that way. Go to your room." But when I'm by myself, I tend to LOSE IT! I have found myself yelling at him more and more these days. Chris said to me tonight (after I yelled at Aaron for not doing something I told him to do), "He yells at us so much because we (you) yell at him so much." Ouch. But just what I needed to hear.

This was right before we walked out of the door to go to Sunday night service at church. On the way there I was contemplating why I yell so much, and thinking to myself, "I don't picture me being patient enough to NOT yell. I just don't know what else to do." Wouldn't you know that we got to church and the sermon was about the tongue?

James 3:2 says, "We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check." Isn't that the truth? I was right on when I was thinking "I" could never control my yelling. It will have to be God!!

Matthew 12:35 says, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him." It's going to involve a change of the heart. How can I gain control of my evil tongue if my tongue is just spewing out the contents of my heart? I need to change the contents of my heart. Instead of impatience, selfishness, and pride, I need God to plant within me the things I need to speak good words: patience, love, forgiveness, humility....

And this does not just apply to yelling. What about the "g" word...yep, gossip! "Did you hear what she said to her?" "Who does he think he is?" "I just have to vent..." I used to pride myself in NOT gossiping, but in reality, we're all guilty of it at some point or another. (And there's another big sin--pride--but that's a whole new post!) I have caught myself several times just in the last week saying things that I knew I shouldn't, but sometimes it just feels so good to get it out there. The Holy Spirit is almost always prompting me, "You really shouldn't be saying that." But sometimes I just say it anyway. That evil tongue, rearing it's ugly head.

Thankfully, there is an answer! A new heart!

Ezekiel 36:25-27 says, "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."

I just need to let God do the controlling and step out of the way! Being in fellowship with Him every day is going to be essential.

And I just had a bedtime conversation with Aaron. I explained to him that yelling is not the right thing to do, and Mommy is asking God to help her try not to yell. I told him that he needs God to help him not yell, too, so we can all be respectful and say nice words to each other.

Thank you Lord, for an awesome Word from you today! (And thank you Bro. Jimmy for sharing it tonight!)