I realized just now that I missed my one-year "blogiversary". I started blogging on February 6, 2008. I've really enjoyed it! I hope you have too! Happy Blogiversary to me!
As I looked back I saw one of my first posts: "The Lord Gives, and Interprets Dreams!" I got chills reading this post, because at the time I had no idea that my very dear Grandma was mere months away from her terminal cancer diagnosis and death. In fact, it was shortly after this post was written that she started feeling bad. Her friends have told me they started noticing right around mother's day or a little before that she was bowing out of more and more activities due to tiredness. She was too stubborn to go to the doctor about anything until her pain became unbearable in early July. She died in mid-August.
God was preparing me, and I didn't even know it. And He always is, as long as I am listening. Thank you Lord!
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Didn't know it would be this hard
Saturday I had my first taste of how it feels to have a hole in my heart at Christmastime.
I had some shopping to do, and because friends were otherwise busy, I went by myself. I walked into JCPenney, and immediately saw a table of sweatshirts, marketed toward grandmothers. You know, the ones that have applique designs of teddy bears that say "My grandkids are BEARY special" and other sayings like that.
I started crying right there in the middle of JCPenney! I realized that #1: If Grandma were alive, she would be shopping with me right now. She was always the one I called to go shopping with me. And #2: If Grandma were alive, I'd be buying her one of those sweatshirts, because she likes them and they were a good deal (and she always liked a good deal!). I tried to dry my tears because I had a whole day of shopping ahead, but in the few hours I was out I found myself randomly tearing up.
That night we went to a Christmas program at a nearby church. It was amazing--a two hour program complete with a huge Christmas tree, lights timed to music, and a play. Even snow falling from the ceiling!! When the opening started, I found myself sobbing again, because I realized that if Grandma had been alive, I likely would have invited her to come along, and she would have loved a program like that!
I had not realized just how hard the holidays, especially Christmas, were going to be without her. She is so deeply missed.
I had some shopping to do, and because friends were otherwise busy, I went by myself. I walked into JCPenney, and immediately saw a table of sweatshirts, marketed toward grandmothers. You know, the ones that have applique designs of teddy bears that say "My grandkids are BEARY special" and other sayings like that.
I started crying right there in the middle of JCPenney! I realized that #1: If Grandma were alive, she would be shopping with me right now. She was always the one I called to go shopping with me. And #2: If Grandma were alive, I'd be buying her one of those sweatshirts, because she likes them and they were a good deal (and she always liked a good deal!). I tried to dry my tears because I had a whole day of shopping ahead, but in the few hours I was out I found myself randomly tearing up.
That night we went to a Christmas program at a nearby church. It was amazing--a two hour program complete with a huge Christmas tree, lights timed to music, and a play. Even snow falling from the ceiling!! When the opening started, I found myself sobbing again, because I realized that if Grandma had been alive, I likely would have invited her to come along, and she would have loved a program like that!
I had not realized just how hard the holidays, especially Christmas, were going to be without her. She is so deeply missed.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
First holiday without her
Today marks the first major holiday without Grandma. Sure, there was Halloween, where we didn't go trick-or-treat at her house. And Labor Day, I guess. But there's something about Thanksgiving that says family. I am very grateful for my family, but I feel this hole now that Grandma won't be joining our table today.
In honor of her memory, today I have set HER table (the one I inherited and is now at my house!) with HER mother's beautiful china, and some of her linens and silver. I can't wait to take pictures of how beautiful our spread will be on such beautiful china, which ironically Grandma never used.
I also used her ancient grinder to grind the cranberries for her absolutely delicious cranberry salad. She gave me the grinder a few years ago and let me take the job of making the cranberry salad each year. I can't wait to dig into it today.
I'm so thankful for the many memories I have with Grandma, and the love she showed our family. We will never be the same without her, and we would not be who we are had we not had her all those years.
Miss you Grandma.
In honor of her memory, today I have set HER table (the one I inherited and is now at my house!) with HER mother's beautiful china, and some of her linens and silver. I can't wait to take pictures of how beautiful our spread will be on such beautiful china, which ironically Grandma never used.
I also used her ancient grinder to grind the cranberries for her absolutely delicious cranberry salad. She gave me the grinder a few years ago and let me take the job of making the cranberry salad each year. I can't wait to dig into it today.
I'm so thankful for the many memories I have with Grandma, and the love she showed our family. We will never be the same without her, and we would not be who we are had we not had her all those years.
Miss you Grandma.
Friday, August 15, 2008
My Grandma is rejoicing with Jesus
It has been such a hard week. Shortly after my last post, my Grandma took her last breaths with me, my mom, my uncle, and his wife all around her bed, holding her hands and telling her to go on to glory. After she breathed that last breath, I realized she was really really gone, and I started bawling my eyes out.
I know she is no longer in pain. I know she is with Jesus. I take comfort in knowing she is seeing long lost friends and family.
But every time I think about the fact that I will never go shopping with her, eat dinner at her house, buy her presents for Christmas, or have her at my children's birthday parties again, I start to cry. I'm probably making you cry now and I'm sorry for that! I loved my Grandma so much and I just want her here with me, all better and by my side.
Last night was her visitation, and so many people showed up to offer condolances and tell her goodbye. It was truly amazing how many people were there. The funeral home had done a beautiful DVD tribute with pictures we had given them, and so many people enjoyed seeing her pictures.
Today at her funeral, her pastor told stories we had told him about her, and then preached the Gospel. One of her very good friends, Katie, sang Beulah Land and Serenaded by Angels. It was a good service, and remarkably I didn't cry until the graveside service was over.
What I'm having trouble coming to terms with is that now there is nothing to do but divide up her belongings and move on with life. And send lots of thank you cards. I guess it will get easier day by day.
Thank you to everyone who has offered kind words and support. I truly appreciate your friendship.
I know she is no longer in pain. I know she is with Jesus. I take comfort in knowing she is seeing long lost friends and family.
But every time I think about the fact that I will never go shopping with her, eat dinner at her house, buy her presents for Christmas, or have her at my children's birthday parties again, I start to cry. I'm probably making you cry now and I'm sorry for that! I loved my Grandma so much and I just want her here with me, all better and by my side.
Last night was her visitation, and so many people showed up to offer condolances and tell her goodbye. It was truly amazing how many people were there. The funeral home had done a beautiful DVD tribute with pictures we had given them, and so many people enjoyed seeing her pictures.
Today at her funeral, her pastor told stories we had told him about her, and then preached the Gospel. One of her very good friends, Katie, sang Beulah Land and Serenaded by Angels. It was a good service, and remarkably I didn't cry until the graveside service was over.
What I'm having trouble coming to terms with is that now there is nothing to do but divide up her belongings and move on with life. And send lots of thank you cards. I guess it will get easier day by day.
Thank you to everyone who has offered kind words and support. I truly appreciate your friendship.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The silver lining
It seems like with the circumstances I am in now, there wouldn't be alot to gush and be happy about. Call me an optimist--I am seeing the silver lining this morning.
Yesterday afternoon it became quite apparent that Grandma is on the edge of life. My mom and uncle came after lunch (I had been at her house since Sunday afternoon), and we held vigil all night. Every breath could be Grandma's last, and the waiting is almost unbearable.
In the midst of this, there are some things I am immensely thankful for!
*Grandma got to say her goodbyes to the world, and her friends got to tell her goodbye. Most people would struggled for months and years with an illness, but Grandma has only strugged for a month. What a blessing to have the best of both worlds--death is not totally unexpected, but not long and drawn out either.
*So many people love my dear Grandma and the cards, flowers, and calls have been pouring in. She worked at a UPS store up to the day before she went in the hospital (July 8th was her unbeknownst last day). So many box holders and other customers have sent cards. Think about your regular errands--if one of the employees at your regular stops was missing, would you think to ask about them? To get an address and send a card or flowers? Surely not, unless they made an impact and impression on your life. And that my Grandma did! In so many people's lives--and they have let her know. Some have even called specifically to "say goodbye." I have told her over and over these last weeks, "You have so many people who love you, Grandma!"
Then there are the people from Grandma's church. We called her pastor to come yesterday afternoon, and he called Katie, grandma's favorite singer at church. Katie came and sang a few songs at Grandma's bedside--In the Garden, Serenaded by Angels, and Beulah Land. Beautiful, and even though Grandma wasn't alert, I feel confident she heard and will thank Katie one day in heaven for singing to her one final time here on earth.
*My family is bonding! We have a small family. My Mom lives alone and we don't see her alot. She doesn't like to leave the comfort of her home very often. We have had some good hours together the last week. My uncle leads a busy life, with a wife who works nights as a nurse and four kids (2 grown but still dependent, 2 in elementary school)...so even though he lives just across town we don't see him very often either. It has been good to laugh and share stories with him.
*I have amazing friends. Last week two friends made meals for me, and more are coming this week--an invaluable service that cannot be underestimated. Several friends are picking up the slack I have left with the consignment sale at our church next week--I am the "technical" person--but I have discovered that the team is figuring out ways to get things done without my expertise (ha!). Last night I sent an e-mail asking for help and one of the guys jumped right on it and told me to stop worrying about it. Such a relief. I am so thankful for my friends.
*Chris's grandmother is LOVING keeping my kids. She has been keeping them full days lately, and she absolutely loves it. She just gushes about how good they are and how well they play and how great Claire is doing with her potty training and how Aaron loved his cheese toast. It is such a relief to know the kids are somewhere they are comfortable, secure, and loved. I don't think I could ever quite repay Mammaw for the blessing she has been these past 5 weeks.
I could go on and on...I am so incredibly blessed. Thank you Jesus!
Yesterday afternoon it became quite apparent that Grandma is on the edge of life. My mom and uncle came after lunch (I had been at her house since Sunday afternoon), and we held vigil all night. Every breath could be Grandma's last, and the waiting is almost unbearable.
In the midst of this, there are some things I am immensely thankful for!
*Grandma got to say her goodbyes to the world, and her friends got to tell her goodbye. Most people would struggled for months and years with an illness, but Grandma has only strugged for a month. What a blessing to have the best of both worlds--death is not totally unexpected, but not long and drawn out either.
*So many people love my dear Grandma and the cards, flowers, and calls have been pouring in. She worked at a UPS store up to the day before she went in the hospital (July 8th was her unbeknownst last day). So many box holders and other customers have sent cards. Think about your regular errands--if one of the employees at your regular stops was missing, would you think to ask about them? To get an address and send a card or flowers? Surely not, unless they made an impact and impression on your life. And that my Grandma did! In so many people's lives--and they have let her know. Some have even called specifically to "say goodbye." I have told her over and over these last weeks, "You have so many people who love you, Grandma!"
Then there are the people from Grandma's church. We called her pastor to come yesterday afternoon, and he called Katie, grandma's favorite singer at church. Katie came and sang a few songs at Grandma's bedside--In the Garden, Serenaded by Angels, and Beulah Land. Beautiful, and even though Grandma wasn't alert, I feel confident she heard and will thank Katie one day in heaven for singing to her one final time here on earth.
*My family is bonding! We have a small family. My Mom lives alone and we don't see her alot. She doesn't like to leave the comfort of her home very often. We have had some good hours together the last week. My uncle leads a busy life, with a wife who works nights as a nurse and four kids (2 grown but still dependent, 2 in elementary school)...so even though he lives just across town we don't see him very often either. It has been good to laugh and share stories with him.
*I have amazing friends. Last week two friends made meals for me, and more are coming this week--an invaluable service that cannot be underestimated. Several friends are picking up the slack I have left with the consignment sale at our church next week--I am the "technical" person--but I have discovered that the team is figuring out ways to get things done without my expertise (ha!). Last night I sent an e-mail asking for help and one of the guys jumped right on it and told me to stop worrying about it. Such a relief. I am so thankful for my friends.
*Chris's grandmother is LOVING keeping my kids. She has been keeping them full days lately, and she absolutely loves it. She just gushes about how good they are and how well they play and how great Claire is doing with her potty training and how Aaron loved his cheese toast. It is such a relief to know the kids are somewhere they are comfortable, secure, and loved. I don't think I could ever quite repay Mammaw for the blessing she has been these past 5 weeks.
I could go on and on...I am so incredibly blessed. Thank you Jesus!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Some good news, finally...
We've been busy taking care of things to get Grandma home. Today was the big day! Her trip home was uneventful, except for having to use a tarp and wrap her like a burrito to get her down the narrow hall to her bedroom. The stretcher just wouldn't fit.
Grandma is so excited to be home. Yesterday I told her that Ed (her son, my uncle) was at her house getting the equipment and everything ready for her to go home TOMORROW. Later that afternoon when he came by the hospital, she frantically started trying to get out of bed. She hasn't been getting out of bed for several days now so we were shocked! We couldn't figure out what she was doing but we rushed over to help her sit up. She started pointing to things on the counter saying she needed to take those with her, and she was asking for a wheelchair. We asked her where she was going, and she said, "Home!" She was so disappointed when we told her it wasn't tomorrow yet!
We did have some good news for her once she laid back down. Yesterday afternoon I called the criminal court to find out the status of the case against the scumbag who attacked Grandma in her home last June. We saw on the website the guy had a court appearance last Thursday, and we wanted to know what was going on.
Great news! There will be no trial...he pleaded GUILTY!! He got 15 years, which isn't quite the life sentence I was hoping for, but I'm told it's a good sentence for his charges. The prosecutor told me he has to serve the 15 years at 100%. He'll be 33 when he gets out, but 15 years is a long time.
We are so relieved it is over, and relieved that Grandma's inability to testify at a trial is not going to affect the outcome of the case. The testimony she gave at the preliminary hearing was so hard on her and she didn't know if she would be able to do it again. She has had so much anxiety over the whole situation.
When we told Grandma the news, relief flooded her face. She kept saying, "Oh thank God. Oh thank God." We are truly thanking God. We had prayed for closure and a long sentence, and God answered, just in time for Grandma to know that everything is going to be okay.
Thank you Jesus!!
Grandma is so excited to be home. Yesterday I told her that Ed (her son, my uncle) was at her house getting the equipment and everything ready for her to go home TOMORROW. Later that afternoon when he came by the hospital, she frantically started trying to get out of bed. She hasn't been getting out of bed for several days now so we were shocked! We couldn't figure out what she was doing but we rushed over to help her sit up. She started pointing to things on the counter saying she needed to take those with her, and she was asking for a wheelchair. We asked her where she was going, and she said, "Home!" She was so disappointed when we told her it wasn't tomorrow yet!
We did have some good news for her once she laid back down. Yesterday afternoon I called the criminal court to find out the status of the case against the scumbag who attacked Grandma in her home last June. We saw on the website the guy had a court appearance last Thursday, and we wanted to know what was going on.
Great news! There will be no trial...he pleaded GUILTY!! He got 15 years, which isn't quite the life sentence I was hoping for, but I'm told it's a good sentence for his charges. The prosecutor told me he has to serve the 15 years at 100%. He'll be 33 when he gets out, but 15 years is a long time.
We are so relieved it is over, and relieved that Grandma's inability to testify at a trial is not going to affect the outcome of the case. The testimony she gave at the preliminary hearing was so hard on her and she didn't know if she would be able to do it again. She has had so much anxiety over the whole situation.
When we told Grandma the news, relief flooded her face. She kept saying, "Oh thank God. Oh thank God." We are truly thanking God. We had prayed for closure and a long sentence, and God answered, just in time for Grandma to know that everything is going to be okay.
Thank you Jesus!!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Taking Grandma home...
Grandma is still in the hospital--it will be four weeks on Wednesday. The doctors have told us there is nothing chemo will do to help her, and at this point we just need to make her comfortable. My uncle and I decided today that we will bring her home to her house--her little sanctuary--where hospice will help us take care of her until she passes away. One doctor today told us it could be a matter of weeks. Something tells me it may not be that long.
I have always known in the back of my mind that one day I would attend my Grandma's funeral. I never would have guessed it would have come so soon. Or so quickly, unexpectedly, like it has.
Grandma took such good care of me when I was in high school and college. I lived with her, and she took care of so many things--helping me buy my first car, finding my first real job, selecting a college, getting on my feet at college, helping me financially throughout college, planning my wedding with me, but most of all, being my friend. I always told her that she took good care of me, so one day I would take good care of her.
That time has come, and I am no where near prepared, but I am up to the task. I know God will give me strength, wisdom, energy, and resources.
Please pray for our family as this is going to be a very hard time. We will have to arrange for her care 24/7. We're going to spend much of our time at her house, but at least it is a place we can all be together and be comfortable. I can have my kids there (for brief periods) and I can prepare meals. I can work, once we set up high speed internet. (Thank the Lord for my flexible job--which I would not have if not for Grandma's neighbor telling me about it 12 years ago!) Pray we can find qualified, compassionate caretakers for times we are not able to be there.
Thank you so much for your prayers and concern.
I have always known in the back of my mind that one day I would attend my Grandma's funeral. I never would have guessed it would have come so soon. Or so quickly, unexpectedly, like it has.
Grandma took such good care of me when I was in high school and college. I lived with her, and she took care of so many things--helping me buy my first car, finding my first real job, selecting a college, getting on my feet at college, helping me financially throughout college, planning my wedding with me, but most of all, being my friend. I always told her that she took good care of me, so one day I would take good care of her.
That time has come, and I am no where near prepared, but I am up to the task. I know God will give me strength, wisdom, energy, and resources.
Please pray for our family as this is going to be a very hard time. We will have to arrange for her care 24/7. We're going to spend much of our time at her house, but at least it is a place we can all be together and be comfortable. I can have my kids there (for brief periods) and I can prepare meals. I can work, once we set up high speed internet. (Thank the Lord for my flexible job--which I would not have if not for Grandma's neighbor telling me about it 12 years ago!) Pray we can find qualified, compassionate caretakers for times we are not able to be there.
Thank you so much for your prayers and concern.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I Stand Amazed in the Presence...
A couple of days ago I heard a classic hymn on Christian radio on the way to the hospital. It was a new contemporary artist who I wasn't familiar with, but I loved his voice and this hymn really spoke to me that morning.
************************
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
Refrain
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!
For me it was in the garden
He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.
Refrain
In pity angels beheld Him,
And came from the world of light
To comfort Him in the sorrows
He bore for my soul that night.
Refrain
He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.
Refrain
When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.
Refrain
*********************
In these last three weeks I will admit I have had some times when I wondered why God was allowing my Grandma to suffer so much. Surely if He loves her, he would either end the suffering or just take her home, right?
No, that's not how it works. I don't understand suffering on this earth, and I never will. But one day there will be no suffering. Jesus even said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33)
And he surely loves me, and my Grandma! Lest I forget the amazing suffering he endured ON MY BEHALF (and on hers!)..."He had no tears for His own griefs, but sweat drops of blood for mine." Oh, He loves me alright. And he comforts me even now.
************************
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
Refrain
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!
For me it was in the garden
He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.
Refrain
In pity angels beheld Him,
And came from the world of light
To comfort Him in the sorrows
He bore for my soul that night.
Refrain
He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.
Refrain
When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.
Refrain
*********************
In these last three weeks I will admit I have had some times when I wondered why God was allowing my Grandma to suffer so much. Surely if He loves her, he would either end the suffering or just take her home, right?
No, that's not how it works. I don't understand suffering on this earth, and I never will. But one day there will be no suffering. Jesus even said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33)
And he surely loves me, and my Grandma! Lest I forget the amazing suffering he endured ON MY BEHALF (and on hers!)..."He had no tears for His own griefs, but sweat drops of blood for mine." Oh, He loves me alright. And he comforts me even now.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Update on Grandma
Many of you have asked, and I really appreciate everyone's concerns and prayers. This has been the hardest 3 weeks of my life, hands down. My poor kids have been passed from one babysitter to another and Chris has been trying to take care of things at home. It's so hard trying to be at the hospital for hours every day, and still take care of my family. I am so grateful for the help I have gotten from people, especially Chris's grandmother who tirelessly cares for my children.
Grandma is not doing well at all. It's so hard to remember that three weeks ago, she WALKED into the hospital. She went to work the DAY BEFORE. Now she cannot wipe her bottom and can barely eat on her own.
It took two weeks in the hospital to get a diagnosis. She has lung cancer. Two days after we found out that, a bone scan showed she also has cancer in her bones, specifically on her spine and in both hips. She started radiation that same day, and has had three treatments so far. They have ordered 14 daily treatments and then we will see if her pain has subsided.
She is in soooo much pain. I heard that bone cancer is one of the most painful forms of cancer. The oncologist told me today it is stage 4 cancer. It is aggressive, which is obvious when you see the decline she has had in just three short weeks. (Short! Ha! These weeks have been LONG.)
It's possible the aggressive factor could work to our advantage. If she is able to do chemo, it's POSSIBLE it could kill the cancer as quickly as it grew. I have a feeling that is grasping onto fine hairs, though, and I honestly have trouble hoping for that.
Right now the doctors have her in an isolation room where we have to wear masks and the room has it's own air system, because they found a bacterial infection in her lungs that could be tuberculosis. They don't really think it is, but they have to do this as a precaution while they run more tests on the culture they have. She won't be cleared for trying chemo until that infection is identified and under control.
My uncle and I talked to her doctors today. The goal right now is keeping her comfortable. They are continuing the radiation until Grandma says she wants no more (the treatments have made her sick so far). She will have to decide if she wants to try chemo. We talked about hospice, about keeping her final days (if these are her final days) pain-free and surrounded by friends and family.
Thank you again for your prayers and support. I will continue to update as things change.
Grandma is not doing well at all. It's so hard to remember that three weeks ago, she WALKED into the hospital. She went to work the DAY BEFORE. Now she cannot wipe her bottom and can barely eat on her own.
It took two weeks in the hospital to get a diagnosis. She has lung cancer. Two days after we found out that, a bone scan showed she also has cancer in her bones, specifically on her spine and in both hips. She started radiation that same day, and has had three treatments so far. They have ordered 14 daily treatments and then we will see if her pain has subsided.
She is in soooo much pain. I heard that bone cancer is one of the most painful forms of cancer. The oncologist told me today it is stage 4 cancer. It is aggressive, which is obvious when you see the decline she has had in just three short weeks. (Short! Ha! These weeks have been LONG.)
It's possible the aggressive factor could work to our advantage. If she is able to do chemo, it's POSSIBLE it could kill the cancer as quickly as it grew. I have a feeling that is grasping onto fine hairs, though, and I honestly have trouble hoping for that.
Right now the doctors have her in an isolation room where we have to wear masks and the room has it's own air system, because they found a bacterial infection in her lungs that could be tuberculosis. They don't really think it is, but they have to do this as a precaution while they run more tests on the culture they have. She won't be cleared for trying chemo until that infection is identified and under control.
My uncle and I talked to her doctors today. The goal right now is keeping her comfortable. They are continuing the radiation until Grandma says she wants no more (the treatments have made her sick so far). She will have to decide if she wants to try chemo. We talked about hospice, about keeping her final days (if these are her final days) pain-free and surrounded by friends and family.
Thank you again for your prayers and support. I will continue to update as things change.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
An update on everything...
Prepare yourself for a major brain dump!
*Right now I'm in my grandma's hospital room--thank goodness for free wi-fi! Grandma is doing a bit better. We still don't know what's wrong with her, but are waiting for the results of a biopsy. The pulmonologist was able to clear out a bunch of mucous from her lungs yesterday and I think that has helped her breathe a little better. She is scheduled for a liver biopsy tomorrow.
*Because of everything going on with grandma, I am not going on the mission trip to Ohio I was supposed to leave for today. Chris and I decided it was not good for me to go so far away, especially not knowing what was wrong. I am preparing myself for bad news (and praying that it is not as bad as I'm expecting), and I didn't want to be 8 hours away when I found out that news. Plus, my family is small and I need to be here for Grandma. Chris left for the mission trip today, and we let the kids go away as scheduled, so I am free to be at the hospital as much as I need to be.
*The kids are off for their first time out of town without me! They have gone to spend a few days with Chris's aunt and uncle who live a couple of hours away. They are so excited to have the kids this week--they have planned an outing to the nearby lake to see boats, baking and decorating cupcakes, chalk and bubble time, and more. When we dropped the kids off today they said, "Bye!" with big smiles on their faces. I thought they might be a little more sad but they were so excited! They will be gone until at least Friday. This is the longest I have ever been away from them! I hope they do well. I hope I do well!
I have more to share--stay posted for more updates! I have pictures from the last few days with the kids that I am going to put up soon!
*Right now I'm in my grandma's hospital room--thank goodness for free wi-fi! Grandma is doing a bit better. We still don't know what's wrong with her, but are waiting for the results of a biopsy. The pulmonologist was able to clear out a bunch of mucous from her lungs yesterday and I think that has helped her breathe a little better. She is scheduled for a liver biopsy tomorrow.
*Because of everything going on with grandma, I am not going on the mission trip to Ohio I was supposed to leave for today. Chris and I decided it was not good for me to go so far away, especially not knowing what was wrong. I am preparing myself for bad news (and praying that it is not as bad as I'm expecting), and I didn't want to be 8 hours away when I found out that news. Plus, my family is small and I need to be here for Grandma. Chris left for the mission trip today, and we let the kids go away as scheduled, so I am free to be at the hospital as much as I need to be.
*The kids are off for their first time out of town without me! They have gone to spend a few days with Chris's aunt and uncle who live a couple of hours away. They are so excited to have the kids this week--they have planned an outing to the nearby lake to see boats, baking and decorating cupcakes, chalk and bubble time, and more. When we dropped the kids off today they said, "Bye!" with big smiles on their faces. I thought they might be a little more sad but they were so excited! They will be gone until at least Friday. This is the longest I have ever been away from them! I hope they do well. I hope I do well!
I have more to share--stay posted for more updates! I have pictures from the last few days with the kids that I am going to put up soon!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
A tough day...
Today was such a hard day. I'm sure the next few will not be any easier.
My BELOVED grandma has been in alot of pain the last 2-3 weeks. Thinking she might having walking pneumonia, she went to see her doctor last Monday. He did a chest x-ray, saw "something going on" and sent her for a CT scan on Wednesday. She was left in suspense and pain all weekend, and finally had her follow-up appointment today. Yesterday when we spoke she was insisting on driving herself, and even going to work after her appointment. (Yes, she's 76 and she still works, at a UPS store...she could never sit at home!)
This morning I got a call that she had gotten worse during the night and needed me to take her to her appointment. I was so relieved when she called me, because I felt like she was overdoing it. But there is only so much you can do with a stubborn independent woman like she is. So I got Chris's grandmother to come babysit and went to pick up Grandma.
It was no surprise when her doctor decided to admit her to the hospital. We still don't know what is going on in her lung. Her doctor mentioned "maybe something malignant" which scares me so bad. It is possible she has pneumonia. She feels absolutely horrible, and she told her doctor he had two choices: get her back on her feet again, or put her out of her misery. He said he hoped to do both, in a good way!
Tomorrow she has a full CT scan for which she has to drink barium, which she is dreading. She also has a scope in which they are going to attempt to biopsy the spots in her lung and the enlarged lymph nodes they see. We won't know anything until they do that, I guess. The waiting and wondering is so hard.
My grandma is one of strongest, most amazing women I know, and it breaks my heart to see her hurting. When I lived with her through part of high school and all of college, I vowed that I would take care of her the way she took care of me. I am so thankful for a flexible job and ready-access to babysitters so I can be there for my grandma!
My BELOVED grandma has been in alot of pain the last 2-3 weeks. Thinking she might having walking pneumonia, she went to see her doctor last Monday. He did a chest x-ray, saw "something going on" and sent her for a CT scan on Wednesday. She was left in suspense and pain all weekend, and finally had her follow-up appointment today. Yesterday when we spoke she was insisting on driving herself, and even going to work after her appointment. (Yes, she's 76 and she still works, at a UPS store...she could never sit at home!)
This morning I got a call that she had gotten worse during the night and needed me to take her to her appointment. I was so relieved when she called me, because I felt like she was overdoing it. But there is only so much you can do with a stubborn independent woman like she is. So I got Chris's grandmother to come babysit and went to pick up Grandma.
It was no surprise when her doctor decided to admit her to the hospital. We still don't know what is going on in her lung. Her doctor mentioned "maybe something malignant" which scares me so bad. It is possible she has pneumonia. She feels absolutely horrible, and she told her doctor he had two choices: get her back on her feet again, or put her out of her misery. He said he hoped to do both, in a good way!
Tomorrow she has a full CT scan for which she has to drink barium, which she is dreading. She also has a scope in which they are going to attempt to biopsy the spots in her lung and the enlarged lymph nodes they see. We won't know anything until they do that, I guess. The waiting and wondering is so hard.
My grandma is one of strongest, most amazing women I know, and it breaks my heart to see her hurting. When I lived with her through part of high school and all of college, I vowed that I would take care of her the way she took care of me. I am so thankful for a flexible job and ready-access to babysitters so I can be there for my grandma!
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